Dumb and Dumber: 101 Dumb Business Events in 2005

January 26, 2006 730 Comments

Business 2.0 recently published the 101 Dumbest Moments in Business during 2005.  A very good and very funny list.  Some of my favorites:

4. Bollocks the yellow moons and green clovers. Get yer fat arse down and be givin’ me 50 push-ups, boyo.

Amid a rising tide of child obesity, General Mills launches a campaign that touts the health benefits of not skipping breakfast — and opting for such famously healthy foods as Cocoa Puffs and Count Chocula. The company even enlists the Lucky Charms leprechaun, who normally sells "frosted oats and colored marshmallows," as part of a new "fitness squad" to explain how breakfast builds muscles and attention spans.

5. So that’s why they call it a CrackBerry.

A study by the University of London’s Institute of Psychiatry, commissioned by Hewlett-Packard, finds that "an average worker’s functioning IQ falls 10 points when distracted by ringing telephones and incoming e-mails … more than double the four-point drop seen following studies on the impact of smoking marijuana."

16. It descends from the military-industrial complex. Not so ironically it unleashes grave embarrassment.

"We consider the ad offensive, regret its publication, and apologize to those who, like us, are dismayed with its contents."  — Mary Foerster, spokeswoman for Boeing Integrated Defense Systems, about an ad in the Sept. 24 issue of National Journal that depicts the CV-22 Osprey in an assault on a mosque accompanied by copy that reads, "It descends from the heavens. Ironically it unleashes hell."

31.   Next up: the caramel crown of thorns.

In March, Russell Stover unveils its new Easter candy: 6-inch chocolate crucifixes. The Roman Catholic diocese in Bridgeport, Conn., denounces the confection, saying that an edible version of the cross on which Jesus Christ died is not an appropriate Easter-basket mate for marshmallow chicks and chocolate bunnies.

40. Just google him. We hear it really ticks him off.

"F***ing Eric Schmidt is a f***ing pussy. I’m going to f***ing bury that guy, I have done it before and I will do it again. I’m going to f***ing kill Google."   — Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer, in response to the departure of Mark Lucovsky, a former Microsoft "distinguished engineer" who left last year to work at Google. The alleged aria, punctuated by the tossing of a chair, was cited in a sworn statement by Lucovsky that became public during court hearings over another Microsoft-to-Google defection in September. Microsoft denies Lucovsky’s version of the incident.

41. If that’s what you mean by f***ing killing someone, would you mind f***ing killing us next?

In February, Microsoft unveils a new version of MSN search, developed at a cost of $100 million, in an attempt to take market share from Google. MSN’s share of Internet search traffic promptly drops by a full percentage point.

730 thoughts on “Dumb and Dumber: 101 Dumb Business Events in 2005”

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